Seasons' Greetings

Each time I watch the lady changes her gown
I can't help myself but stand dumbfounded;
sucked into her quicksand of beauty.

In my Solitude

I shut my blinds and sit in the wailing darkness
No one knows
I lie unmoved on the icy floor until my skin turns purple
No one knows
I kill my overruling heart with a blunt knife
No one knows

I drop dead
No one cares

Weird Show

I'm the blue man with three hands, I'm the bearded woman with giant nose, I'm the crazy midget with wild red hair.
People are rushing to see me inside my cage, despite the high fare, despite the long distance.
I am never alone. I am surrounded with crowds. They stare, laugh, throw, spit at me...
They surround me with their crowded laughter, drown me in their thick black stares.
The newest weird show in the circus has come to town!

It is You

And I said I love you

I say I love you

I'll say I love you,

while

Cherishing every droplet of your loneliness-quenching-affection

It doesn't matter how hard I try, I would never be pretty in his eyes. Why is it so damn important to me, you ask? I don't have the answer. Perhaps I just want to be adored by someone who loves me. But it is too much to ask, I guess. You could never force someone to see what they can not see, to think what they can not even imagine. I know I should just be happy with my being average. But hey, at least I'm not ugly!

I have never been good in forgetting aches. Especially if scars remain. My walls are decorated with pain. I don't know who put them all in exhibit like that, but they are there, all staring at me at the same time with their vicious eyes. Each of them has its own mind. And they just don't want to leave me in peace.

My world is filled with images and words of you
Gushing into the void of your absence

Clouds from steel
rain water from keel
racing into earth's throat
suffocating

blood from shreds
tears from dreads
running out of my pores
clogging

my home
my shell

Tell Me How to Whisper Your Name

Tell me how to whisper your name properly,
because still I can't invoke you from my cold dark hole

Tell me how to whisper your name correctly,
because still I can't resurrect you from my vague dreams

Tell me how to whisper your name decently,
because still I am sitting in my loneliness alone

When all candle lights have faded away,
and nothing can sheathe me from fear,
I will cling on to the memories you gave me,
and recite each syllable of your called entity carefully,
Until you appear once more in front of me

Let's Cry!

Perhaps our tears can wash away the red of the shedded blood. Perhaps our tears can blow away the bad odor of the summoned death. And perhaps, if we cry hard enough, our tears can clean up the jug of hopes and aspirations, which is blackened by all the occuring violence. Let us cry together in unison!

My meadow is withering. But the rain I hoped for isn't coming. Despite the constant dance I have been performing. Despite the endless chants I have been singing. And a cloud came by just to say, that the rain isn't going to come.

My meadow is withering

People I miss are carving their images inside me painstakingly. And painfully I am enduring the movements of their carving nails digging into my flesh.

Ein halber Abschied

Es ist schwierig, mir vorzustellen, dass wir von unserer verfaulten Stelle weitergehen sollten. Es ist mir klar, dass wir nicht in der Vergangenheit zurückbleiben sollten. Meine Füße haben mich auch schon weiter von diesem Punkt gebracht. Aber ein Stück meines Herzens bleibt doch vergessen in diesem Ort, wo es für immer kalt bleibt.

Obwohl die logische Realitaet ihre Szenen vor meinen Augen malt, möchte ich trotzdem das Ganze doch nicht glauben. Naiv und egoistisch wie ich bin, ich möchte immer noch, dass du nur an mich denkst: dass dein Leuchtturm nur meine Gestalt anleuchtet.

Then Tomorrow

And I will be leaving you
My trails you will inherit
Along with reminiscences' quilt
And I will be leaving you
When my ship has come to shore
With baggage full of lore
Further I will soar
And I will be leaving you
If not today
Then tomorrow

I see images of myself. I see images of my-ought-to-be-self. Somehow it is hard to see those faces smiling. Sometimes it saddens me to see sublime hopes wander around in those eyes. There are my arms hugging my hopes tightly. There are my hands tugging my elevated contemplations hardly.
Those are shadows from the past. I know now what had occurred in the coming past, and can't help thinking to myself: "I have to shake myself off of these bubbly scales."

Perhaps the time has come for me to stop; for that state I was looking for is no more to be found.

I want to strip myself out of these cloaks
of fear, guilt, shame, weary
I want to stand stark naked
without any burden those coverings
are pinning me with no show of mercy

I want to get naked
with just my core outside
without feeling the chill
of the blazing wind

I want to present myself
with no fear, guilt, shame, weary
I want to stand tall stark naked on my ground
with no feelings the apple of paradise gave

proudly
proudly
proudly

"What my words can not utter
My hands will show"

And so he wrapped his arms around me,
smoothing out my tangled weariness
until the morning breeze floated
the orange moon away

Revelation

Just a knife cut away
On the other side of the window
There lies the world
in which I will see you again

I retrieve all memories I have
from the time we were not apart;
Oiling them as to hinder them
from rusting and fading away

Bathing my eyes with the golden dust
I see your depicted world
Mounted on top of the aurora
shimmering over mine

Just a knife cut away
and I will see you again
In the world on the other side of the window
Which will be opened no more

-Ode to Lyra and Will-

Emotions are colliding together and creating huge explosions of rainbowed colors. Their shreds are shooting accross the city, gouging through every solid material, flooding even the most crammed places, where even the dead doesn't have enough space to rest in peace.

Emotions are colliding together and creating new chaos in the smashed world: chain reactions without end in my heart.

A locket full of beloveds on my neck
A casket full of happiness in my pocket
A bottle full of hope on my waist
A book full of fairy tale love stories in my hands

I am ready to step out and face the world