I want to strip myself out of these cloaks
of fear, guilt, shame, weary
I want to stand stark naked
without any burden those coverings
are pinning me with no show of mercy

I want to get naked
with just my core outside
without feeling the chill
of the blazing wind

I want to present myself
with no fear, guilt, shame, weary
I want to stand tall stark naked on my ground
with no feelings the apple of paradise gave

proudly
proudly
proudly

"What my words can not utter
My hands will show"

And so he wrapped his arms around me,
smoothing out my tangled weariness
until the morning breeze floated
the orange moon away

Revelation

Just a knife cut away
On the other side of the window
There lies the world
in which I will see you again

I retrieve all memories I have
from the time we were not apart;
Oiling them as to hinder them
from rusting and fading away

Bathing my eyes with the golden dust
I see your depicted world
Mounted on top of the aurora
shimmering over mine

Just a knife cut away
and I will see you again
In the world on the other side of the window
Which will be opened no more

-Ode to Lyra and Will-

Emotions are colliding together and creating huge explosions of rainbowed colors. Their shreds are shooting accross the city, gouging through every solid material, flooding even the most crammed places, where even the dead doesn't have enough space to rest in peace.

Emotions are colliding together and creating new chaos in the smashed world: chain reactions without end in my heart.

A locket full of beloveds on my neck
A casket full of happiness in my pocket
A bottle full of hope on my waist
A book full of fairy tale love stories in my hands

I am ready to step out and face the world

My Missing List

I Wish Heaven Had a Phone

On the horizon she sat
putting down her grieve
on the weeping grass
she said

I wish heaven had a phone
so I could hear her voice once again
I think about her in silence
and often speak her name
All I have is memories
and a picture in a frame

But girl,
A mother would never leave your side

Her blood runs in your veins
Her emotions and thoughts
are the person you are now
Her energy is the life you are living

If you look deeply inside your heart
you will see her
If you listen closely to your heart
you will hear her
And someday in the afterlife
You will meet her again

Girl, a mother would never leave your side

My mind stumps, my soul numbs, my heart wilts. My eyes water, my stomach rebels, my lips pout. My grin hides, my laughter strike, my smile dulls.

I sit and stand and walk and run and lay and crouch.
I sing and cry and shout and whisper and snort.

Still

My mind stumps, my soul numbs, my heart wilts. My eyes water, my stomach rebels, my lips pout. My grin hides, my laughter strike, my smile dulls.

As time passes, my world crushes.

Schmerzen kommen und gehen, wie sie wollen. Oft weilen sie auch länger und fühlen sich bei mir wie zu Hause.

Because I was impulsive I have fallen in love with you and driven you away. Because I was impulsive I have fallen hard to the ground and was scattered to pieces. Because I was impulsive I have run right back at you the day you smiled at me
and thus made me vulnerable again. Because I was impulsive I have smiled back at you the brightest smile and thus blinded the sun.

Because I am impulsive I am writing this to you

Stupid

You would never say the word to me,
just as I would never say to you:
"maybe"
"I don't know"
to every question you'd ask about us

You would never let me hear that word from you,
just as I would never let you wait to have my love,
just as I would never let you stand in uncertainty,
just as I would never let you ache missing me

So in the time being I will chant the word
in a song

My Missing List

I miss your eyes: their smile
I miss your lips: their kiss
I miss your hands: their touch

I miss our walks
I miss our talks
I miss our laughs

I miss you

Just leave it to me to wrong what is right and leave it to him to ruin the chaos

Pleases

It was like walking with one foot,
where every step was a painful struggle.
Balance was something I had long forgotten,
for days were filled with stumbles and falls.

Exhausted, terrified, weary;
I tried moving forward lonesome,
ignoring the soreness and the pain,
hoping that
someday I would just get used to everything.

But you came along, my friend.
I did not take a look over my shoulder.
You were just there catching up.
Without me even crying out for any help.

You lend me your legs for me to walk upright.
You give me your voice for me to laugh out loud.
You offer me your warmth for me to stop trembling.
You endow me your presence for me to feel accompanied.

Heal me
Protect me
Stay with me

"You're everything that I've become, you're every word I say."

It doesn't matter how much I try, the images keep on popping inside my head, the liquid from the bubbles are rushing down through my throat and lungs into my heart. Flooding it with the sharp blades of sweet recollections.

"I need a bell, a book and candle to keep your ghost away." Eddy Reader.

I saw Demeter in my garden
Nodding, she was saying to me to be very patient.
For the seeds will soon be seen
as flowers dancing under the sun

Lately I have been trying to wring out smiles and laughter in my desolation. It is tiring to wear the mask the whole time, but put it aside I dare not. For I am afraid to get drowned in my own tears.

The pain doesn't hurt.
It's just there lingering and swaying
along to the shrill music of the glass sherds.

The pain doesn't hurt.
But I know it's there,
because I've often made acquaintance with it.

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Today was

decisions
trains
faces
glass sherds
blotched yellow sun
skinned trees
vanilla ice cream
benches
cold warmth
missing touches
waves
talking stranger
walks
loneliness in the crowd

You and I

Your tears are thorns in my heart
Your doubts are black clouds in my sky
Your disappointments are stones in my chest
Your fears are fogs in my forest
Your angers are fires in my head

Therefore be happy please,
because your joy plucks away thorns,
your security casts away black clouds,
your contentment throws away stones,
your safety clears up fogs,
your peace puts down fires.

Therefore be happy please,
for all of those known reasons,
because your happiness brings joy to my life