Living Out Dreams

Yesterday the thought came to me. Another relationship bit the dust; and the thought came to me: where is true love? Is there such a thing as true love?

A year ago I was still this little, naive girl who saw the world through her pink glasses. I believed that people are basically good, that we can always trust others. I knew that there are bad people out there, but somehow I trusted it that they didn't exist in my own-built-world; they couldn't exist. The worst thing is, I believed that there would come the time when I meet the one who will love me with all his heart, the one whom I can love back also with all my heart.

I thought loving someone means always doing it with the whole of your energy, like Elizabeth Browning said in one of her poems, " [...] with depth and breadth and height my soul can reach [....]" I believed her fully. I believed it would come in my way. I always imagined how beautiful it would be, to be able to pour someone your love that way..., to be able to experience it; being loved that way. So everytime I thought love is coming in my little path of life, I thought, " hey, now it is your turn, girl!" Then I would start to live out my dream. In the end (there were unfortunately always ends) I eventually realized that I was just dreaming my love life. In the end it is just me with pieces of my shattered dream.

I am the product of trashy love songs and poems! They mislead many people like me! Urging us to believe virtues, which actually just exist in the minds of simpletons.

Really, they should ban such arts!

Fun(ny) Love

It is a community where love is a commodity.

It is just fun and nothing but fun. If it makes no longer fun then you can go try and look for another fun in another place from another person. If you don't play their game, you will end up being the ball instead of the player. You can stick to your principles and enjoy yourself being tackled and or kicked around the field. Or you can play their game and forget who you are and your root and history.

It is another side of the planet. They have different rules. It is the place where you ought to eat or be eaten. It is the location to eat more than you can chew. You just have to ignore it if you choke. Ignore if your food is sending you to meet the skeleton with the scythe. You can still be a zombie and continue to eat delicious food! There is no end to fun. Fun is life. Fun is love.

Hail to capitalism!

On the Battlefield

What is wrong and what is right? Are there still any standard answers for this ultimate question? This is a battle. I am standing in the middle of the field with my weapons on my back. My lover is my greatest enemy. My enemy is my beloved lover. Just like Penthesilea and Achilles. In the end she killed him and ate his heart. Eventhough it meant that she also ate her own heart at the very moment. So she died when he died.