My Time Table

What does it like being 30?

As I was 6 I wanted to be 13
(they were so cool I wished to be in their gang in the junior high)

13. Pimple face, outsider, stork, too skinny; member in no gang.



As I was 13 I wanted to be 20
(my neighbor studied chinese literature and could speak the language perfectly...She's tall and pretty and smart, and she already had boobs!)

20. Still too skinny with zits here and there, lonesome, low self esteem; studied german literature, troubles with the grammar, the tallest of the whole school and whaddaya know... a pair of boobs!!



As I was 20 I wanted to be 16
(I wished to be 16 and careless and free!!)

As I was 24 I wanted to be at least 20
(Oh no, I see more wrinkles under my eyes!! Where can I find a good anti aging creme?)

This weekend I will be 26

I freak out

Ginger Milk

2 lt. Milk
300 gr. hoed Ginger
Palm sugar and/or normal sugar (as you like it)
Honey (if you want to)

Put everything in a pot and let it simmer!

Go to your library and choose one of your favorite books. make your bed ready. Read the book while sipping your ginger milk. Play your favorite music on the background. Look outside the window and be thankful because you are warm in your bed reading a good book and sipping the yummiest winter drink ever. The world outside can ravage with its coldness, for all you care!!!

Have a cozy evening!

Despair

Say you need me and I will come to you
Cry out you want me and I will run to you
Lie if you have to and I will believe your words trully

I will not question I will not doubt
I will be dumb I will be naive
If that is what I it takes for me to be in bliss again

Let me hear the soothing sentences
Let me swallow your make believe wholly
Let me praise your utopian existence

The tip of an iceberg is all I long for
Nothing deep nothing sincere
I will numb my sharp feelings

With all my heart I will accept
all these superficial escapes you offer

I will be dumb I will be naive
If that is what it takes for me to be in bliss once again

I Will

I have to wear my mask more often. If they like me better that way, I will. I am too hideous to bee seen, too grotesque to please them. I thought those times have passed by, when I had to wait behind the line and could watch everything from my dark corner. It was really wrong to allow myself to spoil my soul with these delusions. I have never been a beautiful swan. Once an ugly duckling I will stay being one. So I will soothe the world with my mask. I know where I belong, so I will face the sun with my covered face, so that the world could stay intact. The uglyness of me could horrify the calm blue sea and turn the peaceful waves into a fearful tsunami and kill so many innocence on earth. I mean no harm. So I will wear my mask more often. I will.