My Escape

to feel not good enough
to feel underestimated
to feel insecure
to feel inferior

I do not want

So I run beyond my boundaries to search for a new world, hoping to have a good luck and to be able to start a new life, where there are no such bearings, which I fear. So much.

And I have found my safe place, where everything is green and flowery and beautiful.

But now a shadow comes from my most frightened past. It capsules me in layers of its colorless fears. Then I realized: I have been fossillized. I am a crippled fetus crouching farther in a dark cave with no ray of light. I need to break through.

So I run and run and try to overrun that shadow and ignore all the screaming around me.

They won't get me, not again.

I do not want.

KultUhr

Was verstehst du unter dem Begriff Kultur? Heute habe ich ein Seminar besucht, in dem wir uns mit dem Kulturbegriff beschäftigt haben (eine ziemlich unwichtige Sache zu tun. Aber hey! wir leben doch in einer gedeihenden Gesellschaft, wo jeder seine Zeit mit überflüssigen Dingen totschlagen darf!!!). In den Zeiten der Griechen verstand man unter Kultur alles Edles, Schönes, und Wahres. In anderen Worten: Theater, Kunst (Bildhauerei), und Philosophie. Diesen klassischen, engen Begriff finden die Experten nicht mehr aktuell, denn heutzutage sollten die alltäglichen Kulturelementen mitreinbezogen werden, dh. Agrikultur, Erziehungssystem und so weiter und sofort.

Diesem erweiterten Sinnetwegen haben wir jetzt mehr Probleme, die eigentliche Bedeutung von Kultur zu definieren. Alltagskultur hat so viele Facetten, dass man keine Grenze mehr legen kann. Es ist schon klar, dass das, was in einer Gesellschaft schön, edel und wahr ist, ist nicht immer schön edel und wahr in einer anderen Gesellschaft, und dazu kommen noch diese alltägliche Gegenstände, und alltägliche Gegenstände stehen nicht immer unter einem positiven Schirm. Menschen in Deutschland bzw. Europa können die Ausübung von Zwangsheirat nicht akzeptieren, weil es gegen ihre Menschenrechtsverfassung ist, und deshalb nennen sie diese Sitte Unkultur oder sogar Barbarei. Umgekehrt können die Menschen in einigen Ländern das nicht akzeptieren, dass die Menschen in Europa Freudianer sind. Sie nennen das auch Unkultur und auch sogar Barbarei. Man streitet sich, ab wann man etwas als Kultur bezeichnen darf.

Meiner Meinung nach kann man das überhaupt nicht abgrenzen. Dieser Begriff ist sehr subjektiv. Sehr subjektiv wie die Geschmackssensoren auf deiner Zunge. In Indien ging eine brave Frau mit ins Feuer wo ihr toter Mann zum Verbrennen lag (ob diese Sitte heutzutage noch geführt wird?). In Papua, Indonesien, lässt eine Frau ihren Finger abhacken, jedesmal ein Familienmitglied stirbt (noch sehr aktuell bis heute). Sie halten diese Sitte für sehr normal und machen das freiwillig und sind sogar stolz darauf, dass sie das tun. Sie werden nicht zustimmen, wenn andere Leute aus anderen weit entfernten Ländern plötzlich zu ihnen kommen und erklären, dass das, was sie tun Barbareien oder Unkultur ist (das ist, wenn sie das verstehen was Unkultur oder Barbareien bedeutet; oder wenn die Experten sich Zeit nehmen, um ihnen diese schwierige Begriffe zu erläutern). Reibungen werden vorkommen, zunächst werden sie sich debattieren (vielleicht brauchen sie dafür auch Dolmetscher--Juchuu!! Noch eine Stelle für uns!), einer könnte außer sich vor Wut sein und schlägt einen Experten. Die Sache entwickelt sich so wie immer seit den Zeiten von Adam und Evas Kindern. Da haben wir einen "Clash of Civilizations", wie Samuel Huntington in seinem Kopfkissenbuch mal prophezeit hat.

Wer kann/darf die Grenzen zu dem Kulturbegriff legen? Unesco? Kulturexperten? Professuren? Soll vielleicht Kulturpolizei erschaffen werden? Soll Kultur stets etwas Positives bleiben? Was heißt positiv für welche Gesellschaft? Was ist eigentlich eine Gesellschaft? Na, hier haben wir noch mehr Themen zur Beschäftigung von Menschen in einem gedeihenden Land.

built-in illusions

I despise the way one searches for every possibility one can find if it doesn't work here then it would work there if it doesn't work there then maybe it would work somewhere. I hate the way one tells another how innocent one is although actually one has so many foul things in one's pocket and always ready to use anything required to achieve one's goal without concerning if it would hurt another and then still dare say that one is honest and respectful. I loathe the way one plays with another's feelings and emotions and gives another wrong (better) impression of the whole situation then lets the other think how great and how pretty everything is when everything is actually already out of control from the other side of the fence. I curse how one makes another so blind with the love one sells and make another willing to offer everything that comes to hand for that illusion one brought.

in trance

swing my hip with your gentle arms
trace my crystal sweat with your alluring fingers
embrace my curves with your airy being
move together with me in harmony
blast our passions into the sky
I'll taste your fiery dip in my mouth
stir your bowl into a hot ring
melt my tongue inside your joy

salsa me!!!

comprehension

rockaby baby on a tree top
when the wind blows
the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks
the cradle will fall
down come baby, cradle and all....

the world being introduced to a child

répondez s'il vous plaît

Together with my pillow
I have crossed the border of sanity
Way inside the world of my blanket
I have built a house out of tangled black threads
On the comforting island of my bed
I have raised a beautiful garden of weed

On and on with my tiger I stay on my boat
The sharks are playing merrily in the wave
Such a breath-taking sight to see!
What a paradise to be!

I have placed the no disturb sign on my door
So worry not, my love, the orgy can begin
Please have a seat and sip your drink
My flesh will be soon served too

Just beyond the border of sanity
in a house of tangled black threads
with a beautiful garden of weed
I invite you to come and enjoy my maze

My Needs

It bugs me so much
It trembles my rocks
It chokes me to death
It breaks my locks

I am broken in
I am exposed
naked burried in the
heap of rotten meat

Can you give me the clothes I need
Can you weed my garden tidy
Can you kill those nagging rats
Can you loosen up these tight ropes

I want to ram myself inside your bones
I have to drink your blood, breathe your breath

Resurrect me!
Glorify me!

Stepstones

What is it that bothers me?

Happiness goes in and out my soul the way she likes it.

What is it that bothers me?

past present continues future questions doubt.

What is it that bothers me?

What would it be like, if I blindfold myself?

Way to Perfection

Why can't you be more like that?
Why must you think this way?
Why can't you just be more tolerant?
Why can't you just change your way of thinking?

It is not me that you want
It is not me that you need

Because I can't be more different than that
I can't think this way
I can't be more tolerant than I am now
I can't change my way of thinking

questionmarks

why do I feel so bad
why do I feel so bad
why do I feel so bad
what is going on
what is wrong
who is wrong

Is this what I want
Is this what I think I want
Is this it

what is going on
what is wrong
who is wrong
why do I feel so bad
why do I feel so bad
why do I feel so bad

this afternoon

egoism egoist egocentric egotistic

I undergo hours of journeys just to be with you
I work overtime to afford more than just a weekend at your side
I am willing to spend the night at work just so I can stay a little bit longer in your arms
I told my friends that I want to concentrate myself to you
I; I; ME; ME; ME!
echo throughout the land

egoism egoist egocentric egotistic I AM

Swallowed Rage

Oh how I wish to wash away all of those conjuring thoughts full of thorns. Sometimes I believe that I am capable of crushing everything bit by bit into the smalest mollecule....

I do not know if I am really able to be that cruel. The thought is there, though.

Walk on by

Days are streams of consciousness, which mutilated into shreds and particles of juggled dreams. Months constitute of racings of blurred days; the fastness awes, the vastness crushes.

I am shoved through many mazes of woods, rivers, and streets. The flying smoke of the fox in the woods lulled me in my wooden cradle; blanketted my shivering core with its redwhite silken fur. I lingered into the river and was pushed by the slithering two headed serpent through the blazing water. Closing my eyes, I inhaled all the fluids and the ray of light into my lungs. At this moment I reached the mouths of the uncountable streets and begin my bewildered journey of trials and errors. I am still here.

Swaying in between

days are streams of consciousness, months constitute of racing blur

Divine Conversation

I want to pray again.
I want to face That Source of Energy with all my soul
I want to.., but I am afraid I am not entitled to,

with all the sins I have done and which I am going to do.

My Blessed Being

I am happy

Am I happy?

I think I am happy.
But if I am happy, why
am I questioning if I am really happy?
Or is it just a feeling of hesitation
which is covering my contentment?

I must be happy now.
It has supposed to be happiness.
It has got to be joy.
I did laugh
I did smile
laughing and smiling

I did

So if I have had all that, I guess I have achieved that exuberant state... Have I?

Pressure